Grow with Words: A Woman’s Take on IR Dating

Bromidic – lacking in originality: Trite

Source: Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Generalizing people based on their ethnicity, to me, is rather bromidic. Seriously, dare to be original and get to know people instead of believing in stereotypes. Not all of any ethnicity or gender will fit into those little boxes that society tries to group people into. When I see conversations about IR dating I can sometimes gauge which men will be successful in their quest based on the words they allow to come onto the screen.

I see statements like, “black women want thugs; black women only want black men, black women don’t like white men.” Yes, the “only want black men” and the “don’t like white men” statements are different. So let’s tackle them one at a time. Let’s take a look at the ladies and see what stereotypical lines of thinking might derail a man’s efforts to venture into IR dating with a black woman.

Black Women Want Thugs

Um…no. Now see I’m tri-racial due to my mom’s lineage, but my skin is brown and depending on where I live people make assumptions on my ethnicity. I’ve lived all over this country and traveled to all but about 4/5 of the U.S. states, and I have also traveled internationally, but sticking with the country of my birth I’ll just talk about my experiences here.

I have had people think that I was Brazilian. I have never been to Brazil actually. I have had people think I was West Indian. I have never been to India either. And whenever I am near, or on a reservation, or amongst other Natives, they always ask what tribe my mother and I are from. Via my mom’s bloodline I am part Native so that makes the most sense to me.

In some areas of the country people see brown skin and they think, “black.” My dad is black so I do have black ancestors too. I just choose to embrace all of me and not just one part of me.

What irks me about the “black women want thugs,” comment is that it’s wrong yet it seems to be this pervasive train of thought. No, not all black women want a thug.

Do some black women want thugs? Sure, but so do some of the other ethnicities. Some is the keyword here.

Black Women Only Want Black Men

This is simply not a truth. Just realize whenever people try to lump all into one category it is going to be wrong. Some black women only want to date and marry within their ethnic background. There is nothing wrong with that. But some black women like to just date men who interest them, who share their likes, and passions, or who have somehow aroused their interest and skin color doesn’t factor into that.

Black Women Do Not Like White Men

I can kind of see where some people might think that. The history of this country was not good and sadly some people, in both ethnic groups, have not moved on. Yes, there is still much prejudice in this country, but the fact remains that there are some people, and some of them are black people, who simply will never move forward.

It’s not saying forget. Forgetting is not the way to prevent atrocities from happening in the future, but it’s saying to not assign the sins of the distant father to the present children. We really have to be able to look at people for the individual they are and not for mistakes that were made in the past, mistakes that they have absolutely no control over.

So yes, there are some black women who will probably be willing to date every ethnicity other than a white man, but some does not equate to all.

Basically, if you’re interested in a woman, put feet to the ground and talk to her. She might say no, but she might say yes and you’ll never know if you don’t ask.


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