Friday Dish: Romance By Any Other Color Would Still Be Romance

As a lot of people who know me, or cyber know me, already know I stay away from talking about the political debates, the fat vs. skinny debates, the gay vs. straight debates, the race debates, the religion debates, etc. It’s just not something I want to bring into my cyber home. I get enough of this stuff in the real world, and I can find these kinds of debates anywhere on the Internet, so I’m more about setting up a more peaceful environment in my home on the Web. But sometimes things happen that make me wonder why, in 2013, are people still so ignorant, and some so stupid, to the fact that we’re all one race–human.

Writing IR romance (interracial romance), I have found my way into a lot of IR based groups so I get to see more articles about IR dating than I did in the past. In fact, I never really knew that IR dating was a category onto itself. Growing up I actually knew black women who were married to white men, who dated white men, and I never saw it as, oh he’s white, or oh she’s black…that’s so different. It wasn’t different, it was just two people who fell in love and got married.

It wasn’t until years into adulthood that I started realizing 1. racism is still very big in America, and 2. some people see IR dating as some new mysterious realm of dating. So imagine my surprise, being an IR writer, when I started seeing questions in comments on some of the sites I have found that run the range of, “how do I approach a black woman? What can I talk about on a date with a black woman?”

Here’s where I see the problem; the people asking those questions are already looking at “black” women as being something different. They’re not different. They’re human; they’re women and if you’re interested then step up to the plate and approach them like you would any other woman. Like any other woman, if they’re interested they will say yes, if they’re not they’ll say no.

You have to know your target. You can pretty much figure this out if you’ve known the person for a while, but if you haven’t then it’s going to have to be one of those less than 30-second assessments. Does she exude class and grace? If you answer yes to that question, then approaching her like the “thug” that so many people think black women want is a really bad idea. That being said, I think all women should be approached with style, class, confidence and respect.

Personally, I do not get subtle. Yep, I think you’re just being nice. Why? Because I can just be nice to people and it always leads to stalker trouble when they think my being nice is an indicator that I want them. I don’t want them. I was just being nice. So I try not to mistake acts of kindness as flirtation.

I don’t get subtle, but I hate when guys approach me with, “yo baby, honey, sweetheart,” and all those other annoying terms. I’m not your baby, your honey or your sweetheart. I don’t know you. So if a guy is going to get even a thought of a date from me he needs to approach me with respect. Respectful approaches open my mind to the rest of the words that are coming out of your mouth. I’m not saying that means I’ll say yes to a date, but I’m more likely to do it if I’m not thinking you’re the rear end of a horse spewing verbal diarrhea at me.

Basically, women, no matter the color of their skin, are women. So instead of approaching the woman of your interest as being “black” “white” or any other ethnicity, just approach her like a woman. You might strike out, but you might not, so it doesn’t hurt to try because you’ll never know until you do.

Today was for the guys, tomorrow I’m going to talk about the ladies in the Grow with Words post so if you have questions you want me to answer this month guys, ask and you might receive an entire post dedicated to your question.

That’s all for this time. More Dish next week, same time, same place.



  1. Assuming the guy is a “decent” guy with good intentions I would say that the hesitation (if that is what it is called) is down to a culture thing. For example look at Asian women, Chinese, Japanese, Thai etc there are things within their culture that may make them seem unapproachable. It could be the surroundings that you are in makes them seem unapproachable, so there are hundreds of scenarios that actually do not take into consideration the colour of her skin as a factor for not approaching them.

    I’ve dated black and white women and from other cultures too, and in that aspect a woman is a woman, personally if I find a woman attractive it is that she is attractive not oh that black girl looks nice or that Japanese girl looks nice (as example) but I look at it as “she looks nice” with no reference to colour/country.

    • Thank you for stopping by and commenting. I agree with you. A woman is just a woman as a man is just a man and color should not be a factor. Sadly, I have been around a lot of conversations lately that shows me for some it is. I see guys mention that they are afraid to approach black women. I don’t get it, but if talking about it helps at least one person see they don’t need to be then that would be a good thing.

      Thanks again for stopping by. Please stop by again sometime and let me know what you think on any of the topics.

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