Music is my greatest passion and I’m sure of that. While I have written books that have sent me through a range of emotions, like When the Heart Breaks definitely had me laughing and crying, and on rare occasions I have read books that have done the same, music is the only art that has the ability to completely consume me in a plethora of emotions. Depending on when I hear a song it can make me smile, reminisce, dream and sometimes even cry. So when I told my mother that I’m giving everything up for cello she said, and I quote, “okay.”
She didn’t say, don’t do it. She didn’t say, are you sure? She didn’t try to discourage me at all. I told her I was going to let everybody know that she said it was okay for me to do so. She reminded me that she did not say that. I reminded her that as her daughter it is my responsibility to decipher her words and she said okay therefore she said it was okay for me to do such a thing.
She assured me that she doesn’t think anybody has the right to tell anybody else how to live their life. I agree with her there. My life, my choice. But I also assured her the only reason she said “okay” was because she knew I wasn’t serious. She agreed with me on that.
I wasn’t serious. I’m not giving everything up for cello, but if I were a better cellist, if I thought I could make it work, I would give it all up for cello, for music, to be a cellist. But alas, I’m still far away from any of my cello goals. I have a long way to go. Maybe when I’m eighty I’ll be able to give it all up, go into a recording studio and put my music out there, but now is not that time. I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever get there. I’m getting old. I started late. And while I am a strong believer (for everybody else anyway) that it’s never too late until you’re dead, I am at an age in my life when I wonder if the musical dreams I have will ever be a reality. I hope so, but I don’t know.