Another Look at Relationships for Minority Women

Most of you know…well, maybe some of you know, that I don’t have cable. I don’t even have that nifty little box that allows you to get other stations…well, rephrase that to where I live doesn’t seem to allow that nifty little box to work. So I don’t watch television unless I’m putting on a DVD while I knit or something. I’m a music person anyway…but lately I’ve been catching up on The View online. I don’t know what possessed me to start back watching that show. Seriously, four women trying to talk over each other while sitting around a table gets annoying quickly, but there I was, sitting there watching when the topic of interracial dating came up. Apparently it’s more widely accepted now than it had been in previous years. I think that’s great. Love is love and it really shouldn’t matter what ethnicity you are…but Sherri (gasp, I kind of agree with her on this) made a point that for black women it’s more difficult.

Sherri made reference to the fact that black women are generally the last on the list. I thought, “wow, I’ve heard that so many times before” and I really have. I’ve seen it sporadically too. I’ve lived all over this country, and traveled a lot, so I think I’ve experienced more than just my corner of the U.S.. Although I still don’t know if I would say black women being last on the list is a blanket theme everywhere. If it is, then I think it gives off a depressing connotation for young, black women, that they’ll never be wanted, not by black men or any other ethnicity. I can’t really jump on that bandwagon for that because even though I’m an eternal realist (not pessimist as some might say) I like to think that there are people out there who don’t judge based on the color of a person’s skin.

However, being tri-racial with brown skin I’m well aware that people look at me and automatically see a woman they presume to be black. I don’t care what other people think. Plus, I do have black ancestry so it’s not completely inaccurate. Years ago I would say I never really experienced too many issues in the game of relationships based on the color of my skin. I didn’t date much at all, or any really, but I had guys who were interested in me. There was really only one guy who let the color of my skin stop him from being with me. He liked me. We had great conversations. But he was white and I wasn’t, and despite his family’s Christian status, I think he was afraid they really wouldn’t be able to deal with that. I wasn’t the woman he would take home, not because of who I was, but because of what I wasn’t. That never actually bothered me. I was young. I had a lot going on in my life and honestly I don’t think I was ready for a serious relationship. Not that I was too young, just that I had a lot going on and I was at a point where I was really becoming the woman I am now.

Now, however, I’m older, and yeah…I notice it more now than I did then. I think on some level because color wasn’t an issue in our household, I never realized that it was still such a big issue in today’s world until I moved around and experienced the issues that come with not being white. When I was growing up I knew about the history of this country for two of the ethnicities in my family. But I guess I, with childish innocence, believed we had come farther, that we had risen above the hate and the prejudice. And when I actually got older, moved around and got out in the world I realized we haven’t.

So I sometimes wonder if maybe the women who can say, “black women are the last on the list,” have seen more than I’ve seen. Maybe they’ve seen something that more accurately depicts the way of the dating world than what I, with somewhat childish hopefulness, believe might be true.

I don’t know. You guys weigh in and tell me what your experience is, or has been. Let me know what you think; because I’m curious if the world of dating as I perceive it to be is actually misguided hope.



  1. For a lot of white guys, what you say is true more so because of family then anything. Fear is a very powerful thing as is cultural identity. My parents are no different but I am of the age where I don’t care what they think and my mother is not around to tell my I am crazy. I could say more on this subject but this is probably not the venue for it.

    Black women last on the list? For those who would put black women on the back of their list, they are not worth anyones time. Black women are very beautiful, creative and strong. The most desired models are black. The most famous singers are black. Among the richest women in America are black.

    In this world, it is our adversity that makes us strong, creative and gives us empathy. Black women have this advantage as do all people who struggle to be on the top of the list.

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